It’s funny how, as our priorities in life change, so do the measurements with which we evaluate our achievements, our happiness, and even our own worth. Around 6 years ago my life got completely turned upside down, although I didn’t realise that at the time. I thought I’d be back to it again within a week or two – I was very wrong.
It took a long time to find the courage and the strength to make a new start, and I had more than a couple of wobbles along the way (truth be told I still have the occasional moment of self-doubt), but I’m in a much better place now. I had to stop hiding, stop measuring myself against irrelevant, unreasonable and what I now realise were completely unimportant so-called “ideals”.
The life that I had before is gone, and I’m never going to have the possibility of getting it back. But so what? That was just one option, one path, and it was the one I needed at that time. It helped me to rebuild myself; to find an identity after years of “just” being someone’s mum, someone’s wife, someone’s daughter. It gave me purpose and defined who I was.
All of that has changed now. I’m not Claire the fitness instructor anymore, and I don’t want to keep thinking of myself as Claire the EX fitness instructor, Claire who used to be slim and fit, or even Claire who had turned her life around, lost loads of weight, stepped outside of her comfort zone, and thrived, only to lose it all.
I’m still a mum, still a wife and a daughter, and I’m Claire the yoga teacher, the meditation teacher, the breath coach. I’m a wheelchair user, and I live in constant pain, but as a result of my experience I believe I’m in a position to be able to help other people in similar circumstances, and I can’t see that as anything but positive. I have a new purpose, a new direction, and a new lease of life. Yes, I’d like to be able to walk more than a few meters, I’d love to be able to wear all the gorgeous clothes that no longer fit me, and of course I’d much rather not be in pain all the time; but the positives in my life far outweigh the negatives, and I’ve learnt techniques and practices that help me to maintain a more optimistic, more accepting perspective and I’m excited at the prospect of sharing these practices.
Comparisons with past versions of ourselves can spur us on when we need motivation; but they aren’t always useful, and they may no longer be relevant or attainable. We change, and regardless of whether we initially choose to view these changes as positive or negative, we have a duty to ourselves to try to make the most of whatever we have.
Next time you find yourself feeling depressed or angry with yourself for not living up to your self-imposed standards, take a minute to step back and examine the criteria you’ve based the judgement on. You might just find that your priorities have shifted and that it’s time for a reassessment of what’s really important to you right now.
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Meditation can be an extremely helpful tool for this kind of self-reflection, and there are numerous styles and methods of meditating – there really is something for everyone! We offer one-on-one sessions of iRest yoga nidra co-meditations, which are interactive and entirely client-led, we are simply there to guide you as you discover your path. In this block of 5 sessions, you have the opportunity to look inside yourself – at your emotions, your beliefs, your internal resources – and we take that look from a place of non-judgement, observing rather than trying to change. iRest is a beautiful practice, and it’s really helping me to cope with my pain, and to accept and embrace who I am. It’s changed my outlook, and it’s dramatically changed my perception of myself.
As always I’d love to hear your thoughts on this post, as well as your suggestions for future topics, and I’m happy to post comments on behalf of anyone who wishes to remain anonymous – just email claire@easternhopeyoga.com, message Eastern Hope Yoga on Facebook, or fill in our contact form. (Please note: messages will never be posted – even anonymously – without the explicit permission of the sender).
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