First of all, let’s get one thing straight. Accepting and embracing the new you does not mean giving up, and it doesn’t mean you should be happy to stay where you are. What it does mean is that you have a starting point from which to reinvent yourself.
We’ve touched on this elsewhere – see accepting and embracing change, and the unknown side of hidden disability – but it’s worth remembering how incredibly difficult it can be to accept a sudden and/or serious illness or disability, it’s not surprising it can cause so many of us so much of a problem!
When it comes to quality of life, our self-image can be quite a hurdle. It changes everything, especially our perspective on what we can and can’t do. And it sounds like a cliché but it’s true – it’s all about perspective! Changing how we look at things can vastly change our experience.
Everyone is different and there are no one size fits all answers, but here are some suggestions of ways you can start to change your outlook.
Learn to pace yourself
Prioritise the things that need to be done. That’s the key word – NEED. Many of the things we beat ourselves up for not getting done aren’t really necessities. Really break it down… be strict. Is it a need or a want? How urgent is it? Can it wait?
If you know how much time, energy, or mobility you have each day before the pain gets too much, use that knowledge. You’re not just looking to get the most done each day, you’re trying to maintain that balance. Do what you can without eating into another day’s allowance. Is getting one extra job done on one day worth being knocked off your feet for the next 3 or 4 days with a flare-up?
Find new interests
One of the toughest things to deal with when chronic pain becomes a part of your life is losing activities, hobbies, and interests that you loved. Even careers.
My job as a fitness instructor was everything to me (outside of my family). It was my job, my hobby, my passion, my therapy, my social life – everything! And one day it was gone. I hadn’t realised just how important it was until it wasn’t there anymore.
And I know I’m far from alone. The number of stories I’ve heard from people in similar situations, it’s a pretty universal experience in the chronic pain community (and yes, it’s a community. If you’re feeling alone in your struggle I encourage you to check out some of the many Facebook groups dedicated to this subject – don’t feel you have to deal with this alone ????).
I’ve been lucky because I’ve been able to retrain in yoga, and I’ve found other ways of getting the benefits of cardio-based exercise using my Invictus Active. The social aspect is still gone but I have my family and a couple of true friends who’ve stuck by me through it all, and I have a new support network online. I used to love seeing people in my classes grow in both fitness and confidence and I’ve managed to replicate that again too, plus the added bonus of finding a purpose to my pain – being able to use my knowledge and experience to help others. It took a long time to move on but I’m here now and that’s all that matters. I also know it’s not that easy for some.
If you’re struggling to move forward or let go of past losses, try thinking outside the box a little. What was it that you particularly enjoyed? If you liked the physical challenge you can still have that – you just have different start and target points now. Let’s use gardening as an example. If you can’t manage a large garden anymore what about window boxes? House plants? Or bonzai trees? Or you could write a blog or teach an online course for people who want to learn how to manage their own garden, grow fruit and veg, or understand about seasonality and local native species.
You can be happy with your life again. It might not be easy and it might not happen today but it can happen. You can do this!